Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
