This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
