suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
