He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
