I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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