yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
