I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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