lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
