What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
