And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
