Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
