this boner is exhausting
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
