Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
