No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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