Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
