guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
