My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
