Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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