The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
