She is in my trunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
