Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
