I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
