I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
