I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
