she looked like the before picture.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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