My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
