I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
