yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
