got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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