it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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