as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
