i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
