I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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