It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
