at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
