I puked a lego.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
