Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
