I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
