six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
