I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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