i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
