I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
