please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
