And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
