The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
