when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
