And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
