i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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