I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
