Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
