Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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