Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
