I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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